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When I shared my story of child loss,  I immediately heard things like “you’re so strong” or “you’ll get through this because you’re strong”, etc. Like most grieving parents,  I took offense. Not because being called strong is an insult, but because it sounds dismissive or like the times when you are not feeling that great, the gray days, means you’re weak. 

I think many of us dont like “strong” because it implies we are made of stone, as if the loss of our child can’t penetrate the reality of our humanity. Maybe some dont like it because it implies we dont love or didnt love our child as much (like the comment “I’d die if my child died, I don’t think I could go on”) or that this horrendous loss is something that can just be gotten over. 

So we reject strong. We reject a word that is actually a good word, a great attribute to have. Because we dont always feel strength or like “dealing with it”. Sometimes I want to just curl up in a ball and die. To close my eyes and sleep and wakeup on the other side with my baby boy in my arms.  Because strength takes work and work when you feel weak can be hard.

But thats the amazing thing about life. You get another day to try again,  to right wrongs” to pick yourself up”, to figure out what you can control.  I can’t control that my son died.  I cant control the callous remarks, the pain that just creeps up on me, but I can let another mommy, another daddy, another sibling or family member know I care and thar their little Angel does still matter and that its okay to feel how they feel.

I’m ready to embrace strong. Because some of us have to be in order for change to happen. If alk of us had just stayed silent,  there would be barely any (if any at all) testing for newborns, prenatal screenings, etc. There would be no autopsies even, specifically in the US, adopting rather the “well these things just happen” attitude. Because someone said “I’m telling my story” we now have communities and peer support, if you can’t afford final preparations for your child,  there are organizations that will pay for some or all of the expenses. These people who have started these foundations are in grief themselves but they knew nothing would change if they didnt get angry and make noise,  or create a lasting legacy for their child.

So I’m pulling out my strength to do what I can to make a difference.  I’ll be announcing my projects soon, all in the name of my Angel Hill and in honor also of yours. 

Today, find a little of who you were before, a little of who your Angel would have known as a Mommy or Daddy, or grandparent, and figure out if, when you’re ready (whenever that is),  how you can embrace strong (however that is, such as just taking a shower). Because its not a bad thing, and I think your Angel would be proud.