Tags
baby loss, bereavement, carlymarieproject, child loss, death, grief, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, SIDS, stillbirth, stillborn
I was reading a book the other day. In the book the main character became a widower and his aunt told him it takes a year to move on, it’s proven. And I got so angry I yelled and cursed this fictional character. I may have even thrown the book across the room.
Because this is just one of the myths out there that losing a loved one has a time frame for grief. That miraculously the person in mourning will “snap” out of it once that clock winds down and just be okay.
The bible gave a 40 day timeframe for mourning. But no timeframe for grief. We know this because when Jacob’s favorite son Joseph was thought to be dead he was distraught for years. He even wanted to see proof that Joseph was dead, asking for more than just a bloodied torn coat. If he had been torn apart by wild animals his remains wouldn’t have been something you’d want to see. But thats grief. Its irrational, sharp, painful. Its having to live daily with its constant presence, yet also not being allowed (by those who have no clue about how deeply affecting to your psyche) to freely express your pain.
The myth that you can get over it, move on, is perpetuated by those not going through it. I’m struggling to find new balance, a place for me in this no longer rosy world. Its hard and there is no timeframe.